At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
