i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
