How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
foreskin is a definite game changer
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize