I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Life is so much better after having sex.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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