Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
