If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
