I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
