I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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