hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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