Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
