i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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