I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
