What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
