ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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