when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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