You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
