O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
