Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
be right there i have to get my cape
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
