if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
