Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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