i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We left the knife in your bed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
