I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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