If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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