why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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