Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
