Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize