That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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