"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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