Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
