If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
