I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
