White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
