My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
