using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
