it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
