She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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