her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
