Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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