you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
