you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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