Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
