I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
