In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
