if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
