it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
