why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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