I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
