you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
