I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
