She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
