please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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