he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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