no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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