I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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