You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
