community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize