Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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