i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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