I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
