Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
