just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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