what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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