Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He better not be in your backpack
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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