JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
