And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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